(Standing Alone)



It’s a cross between snobbery and snubbed

Trust me its real, I checked it out on Urban Dictionary 

It happens in communities whether they be online or face to face.

And there are times it can hurt like hell and other times you think Oh to hell with it.

I feel that as human we need to remember that not every situation is the same, we don’t all come from the same place and we don’t all walk the same path but yet our light at the end of the tunnel will shine just as brightly it’s just that we all get there a different way.

What your situation is won’t be mine, why would it I’m not the same as you I come from a place you may never have entered, and visa a versa.

Let me give a more detailed explanation to snubbery, a personal explanation.

Your child might be adopted or fostered, my child may be my step child.

Your child may have been traumatized by its birth parents, or their actions a situation that was out of their control, my child may be traumatized by one birth parent, an action, or a situation that was out of her control, now to what degree of trauma maybe different, but the degree of trauma is not the point here the point is they have all been traumatized.

Trauma is Trauma

So, when RAD is diagnosed and it comes in the form of my step children it doesn’t mean my case is any different to yours, it doesn’t mean I’m any less worried, stressed or going out of my mind then you.

Six years ago, I was snubbed by the RAD community online.

The experts say that the chances of RAD happening outside of the forest care or adoption system is very unlikely …. well that’s what they said six years ago, what they say now I have no idea (note to self “check this out”)

RAD can happen in the most accidental way

I once heard a story about a lady whose child had many health problems, long periods of hospitalization, and sometimes the parents could not always be with him 24 hours a day (they also had other children) so there were times when this child would feel very vulnerable and confused … long story short he developed RAD, he didn’t come from a broken home, he wasn’t abused but yet he was traumatized.

I guess my point is, whether it be right wrong or indifferent is …..

My case is no better or worse than any other parents case of raising children with RAD.

I needed and still do need a certain amount of support, advice and encouragement.

In those early days, I had no idea what I was doing, I didn’t know where to start and had no idea where to look.

I started to blog about my feelings back then, I then found through blogging an online community of parents (mostly woman) who were raising children with RAD, they were mainly … yep that’s right …kids who were fostered or adopted …. I hung around for a while read forum posts and reached out to a few mothers (on a positive note here I did learn a lot from those forum posts) …. if your offering advice then in my book you give it, you don’t shun the person and think to yourself or even say it out loud “oh there is no way that’s RAD they are not in the foster system.

Sadly, I didn’t feel welcome, was that my own insecurities …. maybe …. maybe not … it’s hard to say because the person I was back then I am not her today. Am I bitter, NO, sad, YES …. I have pretty much raised two children with RAD on my own, with my husband and a therapist.

It takes a village to raise children, and it takes two to raise children with special needs whatever form that may come in.

So today I want to say if you are raising children with RAD or any other special needs or just need a friend cause you are having a bad day, week, month, and you just feel you need to vent or ask advise (and remember I’m no expert)  Then hey you know what I am here for you ….. reach out, I promise there is no Snubbery here what’s so ever.

No one should feel alone in their time of need …. we were not designed to be islands.




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