Wanting To Make a Difference

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Take My Hand 

Sunday morning isn’t always Mommy time but when it is I’m so grateful.

Dad will take the kids food shopping and I get to just spend a few hours to myself doing whatever pleases me.

I must say this isn’t always a productive few hours sometimes I go back to bed and sleep a while longer. Then there are times I’m totally productive and get stuff done that maybe I wouldn’t get done if they were around me.

This Sunday I did nothing, well not strictly true I sat and cried, no sorry let me rephrase that I sobbed.

For years, Tumblr has been one of my favorite platforms for blogging, it’s such a creative space with some amazing people. It’s not for everyone but if you love the non-traditional then you will love Tumblr. This Sunday I hopped over to Tumblr to catch up with some of my favorite bloggers and as I sipped my black tea with honey I browsed, then I went to the search bar (which isn’t my normal) and typed in Reactive Attachment Disorder.

I really didn’t expect to find anything of interest or find anything that I didn’t already know.

What I did find was heart breaking, traditionally Tumblr is a more teen young adult platform, people say its full of hipsters and wannabees, personally I disagree but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

My searched revealed to me the heart break of teens and young adults people dealing with RAD, and it would seem they feel very much alone.

In one post a young girl talks about how there is no information on this mental illness where teens and young adults are concerned, that all she ever finds is information on how parents can help young children. Another post was about support groups, how they are purely for parents and she states “Sadly, a lot of the chats were mostly parents complaining about and asking for help to deal with their “problem” child.”

I hate to think they feel so alone out there, I wonder what help they are getting and if they are getting help in what shape or form, are they in families that understand them.

I have this intense feeling of gathering them all up and pulling them into me because I hate the suffering that comes with RAD.

Then I look at my two teens and wonder what they are going through in their heads, are they coming to me when things get to hard and do I recognize when they are having a hard time or am I just brushing it off as Teen Brain.

Am I as the primary care-giving do my job correctly.

And then I cry because I don’t want another child to go through this, I don’t want another child to get to be a young adult and still be suffering so badly.

They call me a fixer, I want to fix everything that is wrong in someone’s life, I know this is not possible, but the urge to do so is there.

So, what do I do

Do I create an online support group and gather all these teens together and let them talk,?

Do I gather the parents who have experience in RAD up and say “Hey we need to be doing more these kids are suffering and it is our job to make it right?”

Do I start a group to mentor young mothers on how the raise their babies so RAD doesn’t develop?

I truly believe that Me and You are one step away from making a difference in a young person’s life, one step away from a success story and one step away from helping someone heal from their trauma.

We just need to get up and do it, be brave and reach out.

Just last night I watched a short video that inspired me even more so to get something done….

Josh Shipp was just one of those kids I talk about …. A success story all because of one person who saw him as an opportunity and not a problem

Every Kid is ONE Caring Adult Away from Being a Success Story

 

 

 

Snubbery

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(Standing Alone)

 

Snubbery

It’s a cross between snobbery and snubbed

Trust me its real, I checked it out on Urban Dictionary 

It happens in communities whether they be online or face to face.

And there are times it can hurt like hell and other times you think Oh to hell with it.

I feel that as human we need to remember that not every situation is the same, we don’t all come from the same place and we don’t all walk the same path but yet our light at the end of the tunnel will shine just as brightly it’s just that we all get there a different way.

What your situation is won’t be mine, why would it I’m not the same as you I come from a place you may never have entered, and visa a versa.

Let me give a more detailed explanation to snubbery, a personal explanation.

Your child might be adopted or fostered, my child may be my step child.

Your child may have been traumatized by its birth parents, or their actions a situation that was out of their control, my child may be traumatized by one birth parent, an action, or a situation that was out of her control, now to what degree of trauma maybe different, but the degree of trauma is not the point here the point is they have all been traumatized.

Trauma is Trauma

So, when RAD is diagnosed and it comes in the form of my step children it doesn’t mean my case is any different to yours, it doesn’t mean I’m any less worried, stressed or going out of my mind then you.

Six years ago, I was snubbed by the RAD community online.

The experts say that the chances of RAD happening outside of the forest care or adoption system is very unlikely …. well that’s what they said six years ago, what they say now I have no idea (note to self “check this out”)

RAD can happen in the most accidental way

I once heard a story about a lady whose child had many health problems, long periods of hospitalization, and sometimes the parents could not always be with him 24 hours a day (they also had other children) so there were times when this child would feel very vulnerable and confused … long story short he developed RAD, he didn’t come from a broken home, he wasn’t abused but yet he was traumatized.

I guess my point is, whether it be right wrong or indifferent is …..

My case is no better or worse than any other parents case of raising children with RAD.

I needed and still do need a certain amount of support, advice and encouragement.

In those early days, I had no idea what I was doing, I didn’t know where to start and had no idea where to look.

I started to blog about my feelings back then, I then found through blogging an online community of parents (mostly woman) who were raising children with RAD, they were mainly … yep that’s right …kids who were fostered or adopted …. I hung around for a while read forum posts and reached out to a few mothers (on a positive note here I did learn a lot from those forum posts) …. if your offering advice then in my book you give it, you don’t shun the person and think to yourself or even say it out loud “oh there is no way that’s RAD they are not in the foster system.

Sadly, I didn’t feel welcome, was that my own insecurities …. maybe …. maybe not … it’s hard to say because the person I was back then I am not her today. Am I bitter, NO, sad, YES …. I have pretty much raised two children with RAD on my own, with my husband and a therapist.

It takes a village to raise children, and it takes two to raise children with special needs whatever form that may come in.

So today I want to say if you are raising children with RAD or any other special needs or just need a friend cause you are having a bad day, week, month, and you just feel you need to vent or ask advise (and remember I’m no expert)  Then hey you know what I am here for you ….. reach out, I promise there is no Snubbery here what’s so ever.

No one should feel alone in their time of need …. we were not designed to be islands.